To Pacific Dark Roast

Pacific Dark Roast,

I definitely thought that you would be darker.  I do not intend to be mean, but I found you flaky and insecure.  There were some hints of a rich, intense flavor, but this was overshadowed by your incompatibilities in other areas.  Traces of yeast essence were evident, as well as herbal notes.  I was not terribly disappointed with your performance, rather I felt that you simply have some areas that need to be worked on.  Try bringing forth more of your flavor and heightening your overall body experience.  Live up to your name and break free of one-dimensionalism.

You can do it,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with New England clam chowder soup.

To Illy Dark Roast

Illy Dark Roast,

You are strong and fresh!  I’m looking out for exciting times ahead.  Your earthy personality promises me herbal adventures to come.  I am shaken up by the mere anticipation of your robust taste.  What makes you so uninhibited?  What makes your flavor so entrenched?  You penetrated my taste buds to the core and I am not ashamed to let others know about our relationship.  Be prepared to meet the parents, I’m THAT serious.

Vigorous and valiant,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with dried mango slices

To Christmas Blend

Christmas Blend (aka Holiday Blend),

Whoever created you knew what they were doing.  Your name alone invokes the happiness and comfort that the holidays bring.  I found you comforting as well, though in an unconventional way.  I feel that your taste is for veterans alone.  Only professionals could be able to pick out the clever nuances that reside deep within your surface.  You bring together the best of a variety of lands.  Although our first encounter was rushed, I was delighted upon subsequent meetings.  In fact, I chose you over all others to prove my own mastery of all things coffee.  In demonstrating my ability to others, I selected you to help me shine.  Thanks for coming through for me.  I’m sad that we can only see each other a few months of the year but confident in a good things that will remain a seasonal constant in my life.

Best Regards,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with brie cheese and ginger preserves.

To Sulawesi

Sulawesi,

I must apologize.  I feel as if I might have put too much pressure on you to perform.  High expectations mean great disappointment.  Don’t get me wrong, I was enticed by your relaxed and calming nature, yet turned off at the same time.  What happened?  Was I too upfront and forward myself?  It felt as if you came on too strong and then refused to make any apologies.  *sigh*  No matter who is to blame, I respect you enough to let you go.  I’m not one to indulge hidden complexities.  Perhaps if you put as much energy into your smooth, charming nature as your taste, you would have fared okay in my mind.  Que sera, sera.

So be it,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with artichokes and garlic dipping butter