To Mocha Java Blend

Mocha Java Blend,

I was greeted with a pleasant licorice smell - not too strong, yet bold enough to make a statement.  You had too light of a body; there wasn't enough heaviness on my pallet.  You claimed to be exotic, but I found you overwhelmingly simple and mediocre.  Even though you had a balanced flavor, you were all over the place.  Your berry finish was somewhat enchanting.  I will definitely remember you - but not necessarily in a positive light.

So, so,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with stewed rhubarb sprinkled with sugar.

To Pacific Dark Roast

Pacific Dark Roast,

I definitely thought that you would be darker.  I do not intend to be mean, but I found you flaky and insecure.  There were some hints of a rich, intense flavor, but this was overshadowed by your incompatibilities in other areas.  Traces of yeast essence were evident, as well as herbal notes.  I was not terribly disappointed with your performance, rather I felt that you simply have some areas that need to be worked on.  Try bringing forth more of your flavor and heightening your overall body experience.  Live up to your name and break free of one-dimensionalism.

You can do it,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with New England clam chowder soup.

To Breakfast Blend

Breakfast Blend,

Truthfully, I have never been a big fan of yours.  Too mild, too acidic, too light, and too weak.  In fact, in my ignorance and disgust, I turned away from you.  My mistake.  Recently, I had the privilege of trying you in a French press.  Oh my goodness!  Upon first taste, I couldn't tell it was you.  In fact, I guessed that it was one of your darker, richer peers.  I was wrong, but happy to be in err.  You were fuller and heavier than I remember; I guess that this can be attributed to your current maturity.  I could tell that you were trying your best to amaze me.   Your toned-down acidity and heavier mouth-feel left me appreciating your slight change of heart.

Here's to new things,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with blackberry jam on toast.

To Eight O'Clock Coffee 50% Decaf

Eight O'Clock Coffee 50% Decaf,

I cheated.  I didn't drink you at 8 o'clock.  Instead, I had you mid-afternoon with a light snack and a good book.   At first, I was taken aback by your intense moist mouth-feel and citrusity.  Needless to say, I was not prepared for our encounter.  It made my eyes water and my forehead perspire.  Disappointment ensued.  You tasted a little bit better with some food on the side, but I couldn't help but notice that your Tang flavor didn't do a thing for me.  At the end of the cup, I was surprised to find a pleasant aftertaste in my mouth.  Who would have thought?  Your satisfying finished made the whole experience rise to below average.

Not for me,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with some Sensible Portions Veggie Chip Straws (and your favorite work of fiction).

To Level 4 Seattle's Best

Level Four Seattle's Best,

First of all, you tasted and acted very similar to your friend (Level 1 Seattle's Best). What the heck?  You were not dark enough to be a Level 4 and you had an extremely light body.  How confusing.  I wanted you to have a deeper and more mature taste, but you disappointed me. There was a seductive berry smell at the beginning, but it leaves me wanting more flavor.  I could call upon you when in trouble, but you should not advertise yourself as being bolder than you really are.  This leaves me questioning your intelligence.

It's not meant to be,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with raspberry pie.

To Level 1 Seattle's Best

Level One Seattle's Best,

You were bright and beautiful at first.  As soon as your piping hot liquid hit my pallet, I had a good feeling in the pit of my stomach.  It wasn't too long afterward, however, when I realized your immaturity.  Maybe a few years ago, I would have been smitten by you.  Now, however, I realize that a coffee like you isn't memorable.  I like how you can let me go, though.

I don't want you to stay,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with a Kellog's Eggo Real Fruit Pizza (Strawberry Granola).

To Black and Tan

Black and Tan,

Ooh la la.  Such a brawny smell and rustic look!  Your flavor was fluffy and light, fit for a princess.  Even though you sparkled in my mouth, I found you rather timid.  Coffees like you need a little extra time in the roaster in order to come out seasoned and ready for action.  I appreciate your brightness, but wanted more depth.  Maybe if the Roastmaster included more French Roast (dark) and less Mexico Chiapas (light), you would have turned out better suited for my taste.  Even though you attracted me from afar, you failed to capture my heart.  Sorry.

Better luck next time,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with pancakes topped with extra syrup.