To Mocha Java Blend

Mocha Java Blend,

I was greeted with a pleasant licorice smell - not too strong, yet bold enough to make a statement.  You had too light of a body; there wasn't enough heaviness on my pallet.  You claimed to be exotic, but I found you overwhelmingly simple and mediocre.  Even though you had a balanced flavor, you were all over the place.  Your berry finish was somewhat enchanting.  I will definitely remember you - but not necessarily in a positive light.

So, so,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with stewed rhubarb sprinkled with sugar.

To Espresso Roast

Espresso Roast,

How truly amazing you are.  Thick.  Deep.  Real.  You contain a precious, rare flavor that made the moment sparkle, even if just for a few seconds.  My mouth felt laid back, relaxed, and a little sensual.  Who wouldn't love your caramel undertones and slightly burnt creaminess?  There was a faint whiff of spices, nuttiness, and other hedonistic pleasures that didn't disappoint the pallet.  I appreciate your smoothness and hearty density.  Bonus: you taste equally spectacular whether made in an espresso machine, French press, or regular drip coffee maker.

Viva la vida,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with caramel wrapped marshmallows.  Scrumptious.

To Breakfast Blend

Breakfast Blend,

Truthfully, I have never been a big fan of yours.  Too mild, too acidic, too light, and too weak.  In fact, in my ignorance and disgust, I turned away from you.  My mistake.  Recently, I had the privilege of trying you in a French press.  Oh my goodness!  Upon first taste, I couldn't tell it was you.  In fact, I guessed that it was one of your darker, richer peers.  I was wrong, but happy to be in err.  You were fuller and heavier than I remember; I guess that this can be attributed to your current maturity.  I could tell that you were trying your best to amaze me.   Your toned-down acidity and heavier mouth-feel left me appreciating your slight change of heart.

Here's to new things,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with blackberry jam on toast.

To Dunkin' Original Blend

Dunkin Original Blend,

You were so fake.  I was absolutely disgusted that you would even try to come across as genuine coffee.  Sure, you tried to comfort me and assure me, but I didn't feel safe.  In fact, because you tried so hard to be liked, I was more turned off by your flavor.  Even from the initial smell, I was disappointed.  Your taste has left me sad and discouraged.  Even your body was not what it should have been.

Good luck,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with a stale donut (gag).

To Eight O'Clock Coffee 50% Decaf

Eight O'Clock Coffee 50% Decaf,

I cheated.  I didn't drink you at 8 o'clock.  Instead, I had you mid-afternoon with a light snack and a good book.   At first, I was taken aback by your intense moist mouth-feel and citrusity.  Needless to say, I was not prepared for our encounter.  It made my eyes water and my forehead perspire.  Disappointment ensued.  You tasted a little bit better with some food on the side, but I couldn't help but notice that your Tang flavor didn't do a thing for me.  At the end of the cup, I was surprised to find a pleasant aftertaste in my mouth.  Who would have thought?  Your satisfying finished made the whole experience rise to below average.

Not for me,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with some Sensible Portions Veggie Chip Straws (and your favorite work of fiction).