To Mocha Java Blend

Mocha Java Blend,

I was greeted with a pleasant licorice smell - not too strong, yet bold enough to make a statement.  You had too light of a body; there wasn't enough heaviness on my pallet.  You claimed to be exotic, but I found you overwhelmingly simple and mediocre.  Even though you had a balanced flavor, you were all over the place.  Your berry finish was somewhat enchanting.  I will definitely remember you - but not necessarily in a positive light.

So, so,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with stewed rhubarb sprinkled with sugar.

To Organic Cafe Cubano

Organic Cafe Cubano,

Very certain, very nice.  Your flavor exploded in every part of my mouth.  You were assertive and up-front about your personality, so I commend you on that!  At times, I tasted a chalky, abrasive flavor, but this was soon replaced by your overall refinement.  I have no doubt that you will go far in life with your full and courageous spirit.

No shame, no regrets

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with smoked salmon spread on saltine crackers.

To Black and Tan

Black and Tan,

Ooh la la.  Such a brawny smell and rustic look!  Your flavor was fluffy and light, fit for a princess.  Even though you sparkled in my mouth, I found you rather timid.  Coffees like you need a little extra time in the roaster in order to come out seasoned and ready for action.  I appreciate your brightness, but wanted more depth.  Maybe if the Roastmaster included more French Roast (dark) and less Mexico Chiapas (light), you would have turned out better suited for my taste.  Even though you attracted me from afar, you failed to capture my heart.  Sorry.

Better luck next time,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with pancakes topped with extra syrup.

To Decaf Organic French Roast

Decaf Organic French Roast,

Nice and sexy.  I’m told that your smoky flavor comes from being slowly roasted to perfection.  Although you claim to have a good balanced taste, I felt as if you mislead me.  You cannot tell people that you are dark and bold unless you honestly can deliver.  Personally, I found you too acidic, with not enough fullness.  You had too many inhibitions, with no chance of improvement in my opinion.

Give it up,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with roasted veggies.

To Guatemala Valle Verde

Guatemala Valle Verde,

It was pleasantly surprising to breathe in such a floral, woodsy aroma.  My sense of smell was heightened and brought up to an ecstatic state.  Your taste was amiable but middle of the road.  You reminded me of a yuppie who’s not quite ready for a serious relationship.  Perhaps it was your calming affect that almost put me to sleep.  I’d gladly drink you before bed even though you’re not decaf.  All in all, my experience with you was sufficient, but you fell short on the whole.

Not quite yet,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with chips and guacamole