To Maxwell House

Maxwell House,

My dear, dear Max (I can call you Max, can't I?).  Communing with you was quite the challenge at first, but I gradually warmed up to your personality and flavor.  There was definitely nothing spectacular about you - medium roast, medium body, and medium taste - but I found myself being okay with such a regular coffee after only a short time.  Brewing you extra strength made me have a greater appreciation for your character.  Smooth, crisp, and cozy!  You tasted simply divine with a Klondike bar (which brought out your subtle cocoa tones).  Although I can't see myself falling deeply in love with you, I'm convinced that you're a nice, well-rounded individual.  Thanks for the good times, Max.

Keep it up,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with an original Klondike bar.

To Hardy Passion

Hardy Passion,

You could easily become a summer lover.  Our meeting was so serendipitous, it must have been more than chance.  Your name brought forth memories of fervor, infatuation, and enduring obsession.  After taking a tentative sip, I was transported into a world of heartfelt simplicity characterized by soft affection.  There was absolutely no aggression.  I appreciated the way you let me get to know you without stipulations.  You have a slight acidity with smidgens of cocoa and floral flavors.  Although there was nothing distinct that set you apart, there was nothing that clearly desecrated your reputation.  All in all, a great experience; expect to hear from me again soon.

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed.

To Jamaica Blue Mountain

Jamaica Blue Mountain,

Oh glorious splendor!  I have been anticipating your arrival for weeks and was so thrilled to finally be able to meet you.  So many people have been telling me wonderful things about your high-quality characteristics.  First of all, I was impressed with your luscious taste and tangy savor.  Next, when the juiciness faded away, it was appealing to encounter your complex hints of cocoa.  I enjoyed your complexity and the fact that you are very settled in your ways.  Obviously you are a coffee that has been perfected.  Although expensive, you are worth the wait and worth the time it took to find you.  Even though you're in high-demand, I hope that you will take the time to know me better.

Forever grateful,

Me

P.S.  You really don't need to pair up with anything, but if you must, try a Godiva Orange Milk Chocolate Lollipop.

To Black and Tan

Black and Tan,

Ooh la la.  Such a brawny smell and rustic look!  Your flavor was fluffy and light, fit for a princess.  Even though you sparkled in my mouth, I found you rather timid.  Coffees like you need a little extra time in the roaster in order to come out seasoned and ready for action.  I appreciate your brightness, but wanted more depth.  Maybe if the Roastmaster included more French Roast (dark) and less Mexico Chiapas (light), you would have turned out better suited for my taste.  Even though you attracted me from afar, you failed to capture my heart.  Sorry.

Better luck next time,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with pancakes topped with extra syrup.

To Guatemala Valle Verde

Guatemala Valle Verde,

It was pleasantly surprising to breathe in such a floral, woodsy aroma.  My sense of smell was heightened and brought up to an ecstatic state.  Your taste was amiable but middle of the road.  You reminded me of a yuppie who’s not quite ready for a serious relationship.  Perhaps it was your calming affect that almost put me to sleep.  I’d gladly drink you before bed even though you’re not decaf.  All in all, my experience with you was sufficient, but you fell short on the whole.

Not quite yet,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with chips and guacamole

To Cafe Estima Blend

Estima,

Your gentle cocoa flavoring definitely made you rise above.  There was something velvety about your long aftertaste.  I appreciated both your depth and your savory fullness.  I feel that your true uniqueness, however, shines through your smoky refinement.  Through every taste, you are intent on making yourself known.  There's a dangerous sanctity to your personality, like you were born for greatness.  There were times where I longed for a more juicy feel, but I can settle for your graceful intensity.  I wouldn't recommend you for the faint at heart, yet avid drinkers would delight in your roasted pleasure.

Keep it coming,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with s'mores around the campfire.