To Pacific Dark Roast

Pacific Dark Roast,

I definitely thought that you would be darker.  I do not intend to be mean, but I found you flaky and insecure.  There were some hints of a rich, intense flavor, but this was overshadowed by your incompatibilities in other areas.  Traces of yeast essence were evident, as well as herbal notes.  I was not terribly disappointed with your performance, rather I felt that you simply have some areas that need to be worked on.  Try bringing forth more of your flavor and heightening your overall body experience.  Live up to your name and break free of one-dimensionalism.

You can do it,

Me

P.S.  Try pairing up with New England clam chowder soup.

To Level 4 Seattle's Best

Level Four Seattle's Best,

First of all, you tasted and acted very similar to your friend (Level 1 Seattle's Best). What the heck?  You were not dark enough to be a Level 4 and you had an extremely light body.  How confusing.  I wanted you to have a deeper and more mature taste, but you disappointed me. There was a seductive berry smell at the beginning, but it leaves me wanting more flavor.  I could call upon you when in trouble, but you should not advertise yourself as being bolder than you really are.  This leaves me questioning your intelligence.

It's not meant to be,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with raspberry pie.

To Christmas Blend

Christmas Blend (aka Holiday Blend),

Whoever created you knew what they were doing.  Your name alone invokes the happiness and comfort that the holidays bring.  I found you comforting as well, though in an unconventional way.  I feel that your taste is for veterans alone.  Only professionals could be able to pick out the clever nuances that reside deep within your surface.  You bring together the best of a variety of lands.  Although our first encounter was rushed, I was delighted upon subsequent meetings.  In fact, I chose you over all others to prove my own mastery of all things coffee.  In demonstrating my ability to others, I selected you to help me shine.  Thanks for coming through for me.  I’m sad that we can only see each other a few months of the year but confident in a good things that will remain a seasonal constant in my life.

Best Regards,

Me

P.S. Try pairing up with brie cheese and ginger preserves.